Not a Phase, A Historical Moment
From my pink tracksuit to my trans pride colours themed cap, I think there’s an essence of LGBTQIA+ within me, most days. I’ve just come back from a lush Sunday Roast, a quintessentially British tradition. But I’m breaking tradition, dining not with the stereotypical British famalam, but with my unofficial grandparents that I affectionately dubbed the “Ladies that lesbian.” My pseudo-grandparents are two strong, independent, loving ladies, who are… well… lesbians. After spending time with them this evening, I have been inspired to jot down a little blog. In their delightfully decorated den, devouring delicious dinner together, there is a wealth of remarkable history in the room. Combined, we have over 150 years of lived experience, each one unique, but with shared struggles, with each of our LGBTQIA+ identities.
At 72 and 67, the world the ladies that lesbian came out in was a world away from my era. Pressure from society and the unfair, unreasonable, and unwarranted expectations of how someone should present – whether their sexuality, gender expression or love of their life, it was extremely difficult, dangerous and dicey to ever just be yourself for these ladies. Every step towards living life how they truly wanted to, was stepping into the unknown and leaving footprints behind as a trail of a struggle for rights, equality, and equitable circumstances. There was also a bit of rogue, rebellious rule breaking along the way too. And their bravery, beauty and becoming, paved the way for the foundations that allowed me to eventually come out to people with a lot more understanding, kindness and love for our community.
Their struggles made it easier for people like me to not only exist in a world where my 13-year-old niece not only knows what trans means but and doesn’t make a big thing of it. Honestly, that is just a chef’s kiss. And in my experience the chef in my kitchen is my guy, Gordon Ramsay. Whist there is no doubt Gordon can create a masterpiece and deserves a chef’s kiss, in a lot of ways being a part of the LGBTQIA+ community is like being on one of his Kitchen Nightmare programmes. But instead of rodents and roaches roaming the kitchen, sous chefs and sauciers accidentally setting things on fire, and weird stenches that nobody in the kitchen can identify, we have bad practice, bad policy, bad personalities, bad actions and bad mentality towards the LGBTQIA+ community. Sure, for some, things are in many ways different than before, but for so many others in our community, we are struggling to fight the forces that want to take us backwards.
I don’t want to be a downer here lads, but it’s as bleak as can be particularly for the trans and non-binary communities. And it’s important you look back on history to observe these kinds of things. The same play book that attacked the lesbian, gay, and bi communities back in the day are now being thrown towards trans and non-binary people. As a society, we’ve been there and bought the rainbow tee shirt (that wasn’t even original the first-time round). So, how’s about we skip the performative stage and fast forward to the fun world of all of us being ourselves and empowering everyone to be the best version of themselves?
I want to live in a world where there is real progress, no just rainbow themed products for pride, but real changes, dismantling brick by brick the systematical exclusion of the LGBTQIA+ community from living a full, free and fruitful life. At times it feels like LGBTQIA+ lives, voices and love for ourselves and our community is under attack. Flicking through history books of our lives, instead of going towards a brighter future, it’s like someone’s hit rewind on the remote of life and taking us backwards in so many ways.
When I was a kid it was my dream to become the Prime Minister, but at this rate, I don’t think there will ever be a gay or lesbian prime minister in my lifetime, let alone a trans one like myself! I mean, we’ve had a total of 3 female Prime Ministers in the UK, so you can hardly say our politics, government and policy makers are a diverse group. I think parts of society are pitted against each other, but if we all united we could take down the damage that unchecked patriarchy does to society. Because it isn’t exclusive to feminist causes. Much of the archaic patriarchal bias is what influences homophobia, biphobia and transphobia. And around the world we must unite to put out the fire of hatred that is spreading. In these dark times, it can feel hopeless, isolating and full of hate, but we’ve got to dig deep and keep the fire burning within us, powering us to keep campaigning, keep challenging and keep changing the world, one moment at a time.
I want to leave you with what good, caring, empathetic, support and allyship towards the LGBTQIA+ community can do and unleash the real potential for people within this community, particularly our young people. When you invest in the lives of the LGBTQIA+, our lives change and we go from just surviving to thriving. For the policy makers and politicians, the savings made for the tax payer is into the millions, if you invest in us. For wider society, it’s not just your taxes that make a profit. Your friends, family and loved ones go on to touch the stars, a trillion pound investment into LGBTQIA+ stories, souls and society that is the best investment ever. Without the allyship, personal and professional investment into me, I would not be here to tell my story.
Being an LGBTQIA+ ally or proud member of the LGBTQIA+ community yourself, can make you an amazing mentor. Both of my mentors when I was a mentee were amazing, so understanding and empathetic to my experiences as a trans young person and I felt no judgment, dislike or discrimination from either of my mentors. They were open minded, kind, caring, and great mentors who enabled me to become the best version of myself. They accepted me for me and whilst the world started to take a nose-dive on things like trans rights, my mentors saw past my gender identity and got to know me, as a real-life person and not base their views on some ignorant prejudices parroted by some people. They gave me their best selves and in turn it led to me being the best I possibly could be. Strong leadership, particularly by our LGBTQIA+ allies, is life changing. It’s like an umbrella, sheltering us from the nonsense of hateful views and opinions that with things like social media, can be amplified and create a storm of hate towards us.
Whilst the world of rights for the LGBTQIA+ community sort of feels like its imploding right now, having the stability, strength and support from a trusted adult can be life changing for an LGBTQIA+ young person. Providing hope, inspiration and a sense of belonging, along with kindness, compassion and caring support in a time of difficultly for our community and to make the world that little bit better for future generations. Whether you’re LGBTQIA+ or just a fierce ally, becoming a mentor is one way to help change the life of an LGBTQIA+ young person. If you can spare one hour a week to offer guidance, advocacy and support then do consider joining the SAYes team and being. You may not be able to change the whole world, but you can change the whole world for just one person.
